In the wholesome sequel to ‘That Time Britney Spears Burnt Her Gym Down‘ comes ‘The One Where Britney Locked Herself In The Bathroom’.
On Tuesday (3 August), Britney took to Instagram to regale her 32.8 million followers with the story of how she got trapped in her bathroom while trying to find lotion.
She began by setting the scene. It was 2am, she said, and she wanted to have a bath with her “new scented lotion from Victoria’s Secret that I wanted to wear because it helps me sleep better”.
After saying “gross” at some leftover coffee, she hunted for the bottle for some 15 minutes before realising the bathroom door was jammed.
“I got locked in the f****ing bathroom and my boyfriend was sleeping,” she wrote, the dramatic suspense rising.
“Even if there are earthquakes he doesn’t wake up !!! I screamed ‘HEYYYYY!!!!! Come open this stupid door !!!!’ ….. silence … the fourth time he gets up and says: ‘What’s wrong?’”
Asghari, a 27-year-old personal trainer, tried to jimmy the door open with a pen. When that failed, Britney was forced to call security.
“Fifteen minutes went by and they finally said they’d send someone to open the door … 10 minutes later … ‘HELLO ??? Is anybody there ???’ … they told me 10 more minutes !!!” Britney continued.
“I cleaned the bathroom and thought about taking a shower or something but then I saw it … the door.
“I just looked at it for the first time with a yearning of just wanting it to open … would my eyes trick me and make it happen faster ???
“My eyes widened and the door was more clear … more vast … I could see it with clarity and brightness … please open door !!!!”
Britney Spears and her boyfriend Sam Asghari. (Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)
“We’re here!” the security guard suddenly boomed from the other side of the entryway, as if in answer to her prayer. Britney was told it would take 10 minutes for her to be let out.
But remember the stale coffee Britney once derided? It wasn’t just Britney setting the scene – it ended up being the MacGuffin of her quest to free herself.
“The old coffee I had leftover from the morning was there,” she continued.
“I started feeling foggy so I drank it … I was re-energized and started speaking again!!! ‘Are you guys there ???’ … ‘Yes we are!’
“They said: ‘Stand back, we’re going to open the door!’ It opened … it finally opened !!!!!”
John Milton who? Britney Spears is the true poet of our generation. It remains unknown, however, whether she did ever find her lotion.
Britney Spears on stage. (Tim Mosenfelder/Getty)
Britney Spears getting imprisoned in her bathroom and fighting to escape was quickly compared to her own other battle for freedom – her ongoing attempt to end her conservatorship.
Miley Cyrus, who recently flashed “Free Britney” during her Lollapalooza set, commented: “They Free’d Britney for real!”
Her tongue-in-cheek post comes amid a time of upheaval for Britney, who recently broke her silence on the conservatorship that governs her life and has made clear her wish for it to end.
Last month, Britney’s new attorney, Mathew Rosengart, a top Hollywood lawyer, filed a blistering 120-page-long petition to remove her father Jamie Spears from his role controlling her estate, and to replace him with certified public accountant Jason Rubin.
“Any father who genuinely loves his daughter and has her best interests at heart should willingly step aside,” Rosengart wrote in the paperwork.